♥6.12.2009♥
Great. As the title already suggests, here I am complaining about everything in my life. Everything that has happened to me. Every bad thing to be more exact.
I'm on ebuddy now chatting to some of my friends because I'm in a conference and that sorta took my mind off things. But thank goodness, with my kind of luck, the thing hanged. I'm already thanking my lucky stars that the whole computer hasn't hanged as well.
And know what? Right now, all the lights, except a few, have stopped working. And this means I have to get around in the complete darkness on my own. Even when I bathe I have to bathe by candlelight. Not very enticing. (But don't worry, I just put it on the ledge. I don't hold one candle in my hand and bathe at the same time.) And have you ever felt that eating in this dark place with only a small light source is romantic? Well I assure you it isn't. Especially when the one you're eating with is your super-annoying brother.
Great. I just opened a new window trying to go back to the conference so I can take my mind of things. But obviously it didn't work. I'm kicked out of the conference.
Argh. And I just checked the SMO results and it turns out I didn't get into the Invitationals. I knew I flunked it. I don't even think I can get a bronze. I feel really and especially down today, like there are so many things (and I'm not talking about material stuff) others have. I feel really limited and inferior and no matter how I try to cheer myself up it doesn't work. I hate being pessimistic. And saying that you can't help it is being pessimistic.
That's it. I officially decided that I'm going through a rough patch in my life now. I seldom feel so upset and demoralised but this feeling comes to me really often now. It's like at the start of the day I keep telling myself to make full use of today and in the afternoon I can't take it and I start to slack then at night like right now I hate myself for slacking and I tell myself I'd better do it right tomorrow but this feeling deep inside my gut tells me that I'll never make it tomorrow. D: Argh I want to see a counseller.
I'm worried about so many things now. Which I shall not name. And I know I'm just being paranoid but it still keeps me awake at night. And right now, it doesn't help that all my friends are doing so well and having fun. This is going to be the worst June holidays ever.Labels: complaining, June, mugging, SMO, worried
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♥5.28.2009♥
Yay! So I'm not dead after all! This post is to celebrate my survival.
Hah. Who am I kidding?! The only reason why I'm so glad is because I managed to find the four library books and return them! :D
Well...a lot of things happened today...
One of my friends is sorta worried that she has to stay back a year because she feels her results are not up to standard. Thus, she wants to transfer school. I know some of my friends who know her or even her herself might come across this post but...who cares?
Anyway, the thing is, the real battle (don't ask me what battle) isn't even over yet! For all you know you could ace after the rest of the exams! and you wanna give up like that?
I made her cry.
I feel guilty.
Ok even if I technically didn't make her cry, I...urrgh! I dunno what to think! I'm going beserk! She...gah! and my friends think I'm the crazy one. Oh wait. Yes I am. But anyway the point is...blehh.
Argh. We shouldn't give up. D: I dunno whether she was joking or not but...well...I think she's joking. She's definitely not going to. *praypray* and at the end of the year when she gets a 3.6 or higher, I'm gonna laugh in her face. Because she did well and proved my point. Hah!
Anyway, I still think I've made an enemy in her. That's me. Blunt. Should I be proud of it or something? I don't know. I woudn't try to conceal stuff purposefully from others. And I don't want them to conceal things from me either. If you've got anything to say, say it to my face. Not behind my back. My back doesn't have ears attached to it. The front of my head does.
Well even if people do not like me, what can I do about it? Take a gun and go,"like me or else?" Not everyone is perfect. Not everyone, ok, no one, is one-hundred percent liked. So just live your life and don't worry. I read somewhere (Cathy Hopkin's book. Mates, dates and...I forgot the title)
that you're a short time alive and a long time dead. So lead a meaningful life with as little worries as possible so when you're dead, you won't regret. (If you can, anyway).
Haha. I realise that's a bit ironic because I spend a lot of time on my blog complaining and worring but...oh well. Guess I'm not perfrct either. :D
And another happy thing is that my mum allows me to go out and watch a movie (Angels and Demons) with my friends tomorrow! YAY! And remind me to bring a pillow so I can hide or cover my eyes when it comes to the gory scenes. Whohoo!
And another thing:
We've broken up! Not as in relationship broken up but as in holidays are starting.
:D
Labels: complaining, happy, holidays, Joy, marks, movie, school, transfer, upset, worry
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