♥5.18.2011♥
Haha oh my gosh it's been ages and ages since I last posted anything.
Today's a really special night (: I don't know there's just this cool atmlsphere! I don't know if it's because I'm listening to the song "Jar of hearts" but tonight just feels kinda... different. Haha I just realised that any night that I actually do post has to be a special night cos usually I don't blog...!
If I could choose to sum up the whole of this year in one word so far, I think it would just be , "tiring" This year... I know that Sec two to Sec three is a huge transition but I just never thought that it would be this hard. Everything's changing, everyone's changing. Why can't things just stay the same throughout...?
Oh no! Why do my blog posts always sound so emo D: But I don't care! :D I'm gonna rant here! (; Sighs...
Last year everyone was still talking about what we were going to be in ten years' time (: Everyone was so... carefree. And I remembered that we all promised that we would never drift apart, we would never change, we were going to stay best friends forever. Then why is everything so different this year? Why this year no matter how hard I try there just seems to be this invisible wall between me and everyone else...?! Sometimes I really just want to have one friend who I can wholeheartedly trust with my entire life. I just want to meet that one friend who promises she'll always be there and always will be.
It's not really about us growing up, there's just something about the way people look at each other now. Last time... I don't know everyone was just able to look straight into one another's eyes but now... There just seems to be this element of doubt I've never seen before. Like our promises and wishes in the past are no longer as magical and guranteeable as they used to be.
I really just wish that this time-turning machine could ferry me on and take me back to the past so I could treasure everything I had then so much more. We never realise what we lose until the precise moment we lose it and getting it back is twice as hard as reaching out to it in the first place.
So this year, I'm gonna treasure everything I have (: Starting from now! :D
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♥2.01.2011♥
Haha it's been so so so so so long since I last blogged but there's absolutely nothing else I can do and if I don't write my feelings down quick I'm going to burst Dx
You know, since last year I've been laughing off my low self-esteem. D: I kept thinking that it wasn't really a big deal and i wouldn't really affect anything that I did or tried to do. But now, it feels like everything I'm saying, thinking, feeling, doing has to be judged throughly before I can even carry it out. I feel like I'll never be the person I want to be, that I'll never be good enough for anyone, and mosyt importantly, I'll never ever ever be good enough for myself.
Whenever something bad happens, I blame everything on myself. I always feel that I'm the imperfect irritating one that should always get the blame. Whenever things actually go right, and I feel on top of the world, no matter how happy I am or try to be I will always keep thinking that life's just too good to be true D: I keep thinking that it's not possible that someone as horrid as me can feel happiness and I always end up destroying it by over-thinking, over-acting before I can do anything else.
Why why why am I always destroying my own life! Dx Sometimes I used to think I couldn't change the way I am, it's just a twist of fate and I'm destined to be like this but it's not anymore.
I'm not going to let myself come in the way of the things I do, to destroy my own happiness and my own life. So hahahahaha officially! (: On today, Chinese New Year eve! (That's an auspicious date right? (: ) I just want to try to be a better person. Starting from now on, I won't question myself! (: I just want to be a free person, to know that I'm not worse than anyone, (: and that I can do anything as long as I want to! I want to eat, live and laugh freely without thinking 'I bet something bad's going to come along later' all the time
I know that by tomorrow I'd probably be back to my normal, upset and doubting self but I just want to try. (: Cos we create our own destinies and I'm going to make sure mine turns out just alright (:
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♥11.23.2010♥
Haha it's been so long since I posted something that I almost forgot my google password D: I don't even know what to type now so I'm just typing and typing and typing and praying that this post will turn out...(hopefully) ok! (:
Anyways, this year was definitely not one of the best-of-the-best years, but it was the most eventful year I ever had. I still remember at this time last year I kept praying every night before I slept that something at least interesting would come along and happen to me so at least the most interesting time of my day wouldn't be watching some channel 8 drama Dx Haha and blehh... I got what I wanted! :D
I know this sounds really cliche but sometimes I wish that I hadn't made that wish. But yet if I could go all the way back to the start of this year, there's not a single thing that I would change (well... except my GPA xD) So many things happened and when I think of them it's like... everything's linked in some way or another, yet when you're standing at the end of it all, you just can't believe it happened. I lost so many friends, made some new friends, and everything's changed. It's like evolution in pokemon (remember this Casey? xD)
Well change may not always be so bad, but I hate change Dx I keep worrying that somehow throughout all these crazy events I've lost who I used to be or something. But if I don't change at all and I still remain a crazy hyper self when I'm ninety-seven... haha well that'll be worse.
But we've got to learn how to face up to ourselves. (: There's nothing harder in this world than facing up to yourself. And once you do that and you learn how to love who you are, then nothing else would seem to obstruct or faze you. Great this sounds so philosophical and reflections-essay-ish. But as long as we keep believing and hoping everything will turn out ok. (:
So well, even if next year is not as interesting and crazy as this year was, I'm gonna make the most of it. :D Here goes nothing then! xD
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♥7.12.2010♥
YAY MY POST! XD
Haha thank you Miss awesome Wen Xingyue and Miss Faber I have finally posted now you can stop bugging me! :D
But I don't know what to post. D:
Somehow I find myself thinking of Romeo and Juliet. Dx
When I was young, I used to really really really really really really really really love Romeo and Juliet cos I thought it was so romantic and true love that was so passionate existed and blahblahblah.
BUT NOW I HATE IT.
I dunno why, maybe it's cos I grew up and sort of, became more practical? I mean, you don't really see anyone eloping nowadays to another faraway country to be with a boy (But eloping to get away from Math lessons, yes! xD) And plus Juliet only met Romeo for a few days, and they fell in 'love' over a fish tank!
I used to think that true love was real, but now I'm not so one-hundred-percent sure anymore.
It's not that I don't believe in love anymore, but I don't think it's that easy to find. Not just love, I mean lust between Romeo and Juliet. Love between friends? There was this one article I read before about these two friends who met each other in high school and stayed with each other all the way till they got married and had children. They never gave up on each other. I always believed I could and I would find such a friend... I remember all the promises my Primary school friends made...? Like "I'll never forget you" and "You'll be my good friend forever" But why! After we went into like Secondary School for two months you start calling some other girl your BFF and I'm only a fragment of your past.
Wait that paragraph was too long.
So how do I trust people! How do I know you're thinking what you say? Or maybe you don't even know what you're saying... Why do we keep making all these empty promises we can't keep? (I'm digressing from Romeo and Juliet but I don't care) Everytime we meet a new friend or something we make ambitions for the future, ambitions for us, but those ambitions don't even begin to see the light of day.
They just don't.
So do I keep believing in what will be, or what I hope will be?
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♥6.15.2010♥
100 (I promise they are true) TRUTHS! xD
Haha I don't even know why I am bothering to do this now but this is the first ever time that I am doing something like that! xD So *takes a deep breath* here goes...!
WHAT WAS YOUR
1. Last beverage: Um... My mum's homemade tea?
2. Last phone call: Xingyue! xD
3. Last text message: Also Xingyue. (Xingyue your cue here to feel honoured)
4. Last song you listened to: Don't stop believing perfomed by glee
5. Last time you cried: Today
HAVE YOU EVER
6. Dated someone twice: Nope! (:
7. Been cheated of: Not that I can remember of
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: My grandad, yeah...
10. Been depressed: Yes
11. Been drunk and thrown up: I've been semi-drunk but never thrown up! XDD
LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS
12. Red! xDDD
13. Mmm... Blue
14. Yellow. (:
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU (Year 2010)
15. Made a new friend?: Yess! xD
16. Fallen out of love: You could say so (:
17. Laughed till you cried: Haha yeah! :D
18. Met someone who changed you: Not yet!
19. Found who your true friends were: Yeah.
20. Found out somebody was talking about you: I think so, in some way or another
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: What;s a friend's list and no!!
22. How many people in your friend's list do you know in real life?: Refer to above question Mr 100 questions
23. How many kids do you want?: Three! xD From across the globe! I'm gonna adopt! One girl from China (you know the female infanticide thing) and... Ok I'd better stop or I'll never finish this.
24. Do you have any pets?: One terrapin that people always mistake for a turtle. (:
25. Do you want to change your name?: What's my name?
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Had a nice dinner with my family. (:
27. What time did you wake up today?: To tell the *ahem* truth... 10 plus... xD
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Thinking through stuff and sms-ing xy (again)
29. What is one thing you CANNOT wait for: Tomorrow! xD
30. When was the last time you saw your mother?: *Looks up* Ok one second ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Me
32. What are you listening to right now: The tv blaring
33. Have you talked to a person named Tom: Nope! (:
34. Who is getting on your nerves right now: Mm... Do I really have to say? Dx Some person
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook! xD
36. What's your real name: Charmaine
37. Your nickname: Urgh it's published all over my blog already... xD
38. Relationship status: Single :D
39. Your zodiac sign: Mouse! Or rat *squeaks!*
40. Male or female: Female
41. Primary school: TNS and ATS!
42. Secondary school: RGS
43. JC: Probably RI (JC)
44. Hair colour: Really black
45. Long or short: Long (:
46. Height: Quite tall I suppose...?
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: I did but I don't anymore... No wait! It was infatuation!
48. What do you like about yourself?: Nothing at all
49. Piercings: Nope
50. Tattoos: My dad said if I got one he'd give me a five-fingered tattoo across my cheek... Ouch Dx
51. Righty or lefty: righty!
52. First surgery: Maybe when I'm older...
53. First piercing: None!
54. First best friend: Callie in primary school (:
55. First sport you joined: Running? :O I run for fun sometimes after all!
56. First vacation: To see my family in Malaysia. (:
(Oh where art question 57?)
58. First pair of trainers: Can't recall!
59. Eating: Nothing
60: Drinking: Nothing
61. About to do: Question 62 and 63 and so on...
62. Listening to: Nothing
63. Waiting for: When I can finally finish this and sleep! xD
YOUR FUTURE
64. Want kids?: ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yess yess definitely definitely! xDDDDDDDD
65. Get married? Shun qi zi ran! Anyway i doubt anyone would want me. xD
66. Career: Paedatician
WHICH IS BETTER
67. Lips or eyes?: Eyes are the windows to your soul... Eyes! XD
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs (:
69. Shorter or taller: Somewhere in the middle!
70. Older or younger? Younger! :D But that's cos I'm immature
71. Romantic or spontaneous: I really can't decide... romantic?
72. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach! :D
73. Sensitive or loud: Definitely sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship: Definitely relationship too!
75. Trouble-maker or hesistant: To each it's on. (:
HAVE YOU EVER
76. Kissed a stranger: Nope!
77. Drank hard liquor: One tiny droplet in which I had a coughing fit afterwards
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Lost and found!
79. Sex on first date: I shall leave that to your imagination...*coughs* Noooooo!
80. Broke someone's heart: I'm not really sure... Maybe?
( I think 81 and 57 eloped away together or something)
82. Been arrested: Nope (:
83. Turned someone down: You could say so (:
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen for a friend: That person was a friend-enemy sort of person... I guess so
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
86. Yourself: Hardly ever
87. Miracles: That's the reason I keep believing. (:
88. Love at first sight: Yeah!
89. Heaven: Yes!!! xD
90. Santa claus: Sorry but... nope! XP
91. Kiss on the first date: Yes
92. Angels: Yes definitely! xD
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
(Oh wait I realised 93 is gone/eloped too! Love triangle? :O)
94. Had more than one girlfriend or boyfriend at the same time? No!
95. Did you sing today?: Haha yeah. xD And burst my mum's eardrums
96. Ever cheated on somebody: No (:
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Nowhere! I wanna stay where I am! xD
98. The moment you would choose to relieve?: A lotlotlot...
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Nope! xD YONG GAN QU AI
100. (LAST ONE!) Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: A bit... But I'd kill myself if I typed so long and didn't post it afterwards...
YEAH DONE! xD Haha now all of you guys know all of my *ahem* truths? Great now my fingers are so tired. I shall post this and see what you guys shall say. :O
Here goes! xD (again)
Labels: 100 truths
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♥6.13.2010♥
Blog post of acknowledgement dedicated to Miss WEN XINGYUE xD
Good morning/afternoon/evening/night/midnight (depending on what time you visit my blog). Today I would like to extend my erm greatest gratitude to Miss Wen Xingyue for so kindly offering and helping me to change my blog skin! xD I am really happy with this new skin and her taste in the design is erm... impeccable EXCEPT for the PART WITH RUDOLPH and it's big shining red nose that totally does NOT resemble mine! DDx And what is all that about the nicknames bit?! Blehh but since she has already helped me change my blogskin I suppose I have to -growls- be more lenient. xD haha
But still, thank you thank you so much I really really love this blogskin regardless of how many (untrue) stuff are in there. But the part where I love Xingyue the awesome is true! xD Thank you so much this wonderful blog post is dedicated to you (Now your bolster yoyo can't complain that I don't post anymore xD) AND IT IS EVEN IN BLUE. REJOICE. xDDD
-clapclapclap-
P.S If you like you can even print this page out and frame it on your wall like a certificate of achievement. xDLabels: Wen Xingyue
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♥5.25.2010♥
Tee hee since dear Nicole tells me that my posts have no date I shall write it up there today! xD See Nicole I listen to feedback! Hoho. Ok I shall try to change the settings... When I'm feeling less lazy. XP teehee!I MUST EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL. I must exercise self control! I MUST EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL! self-controlself-controlself-control Bah this is becoming a weird and spastic post. Dx Have you ever felt like talking to someone? But you think that you'll just end up annoying the person so you actually have to sit on your hands or go do something else like blogging so that you would be able to refrain yourself? During the times where I actually did gave in to erm... temptation? (Is that a good word to use) Well... let's not go there... sighs ARRRRRGGGGHHHH I shall concentrate on happier and more optimistic stuff! xD Like the fact that school's ending soon... Though I don't actually want it to end. The first few days feel so qing song and relaxing and then as the days go by you start to feel as if you're getting sick of your own house. Seriously after the holidays I can even manage to memorise the number of dots and cracks on my door... Sighs. Dx Wait I'm supposed to be optimistic! Sighs I shall return to msn and hopefully...
Blehh. XP
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♥5.20.2010♥
OH NO I FORGOT TO GIVE MY EARLIER POST A NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Lost identity hehe :) Labels: bah
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True friends are like diamonds, So beautiful, so rare. While false friends are like fallen leaves, found everywhere ~
I found this thing in my mum's book once and don't you think it's just so true? xD Have you ever felt like you've drifted apart from your old friends ? Sometimes you just feel as if you just can't really relate and talk to them anymore. They have so many insider jokes among their new friends which you're not included in. They have so many new experiences which don't really involve you anymore. It's like... there's nothing keeping you all together anymore besides just beautiful memories.
I know that people have to get a move on sometimes, they just can't cling to the past and keep holding on all the time. But we all look back at times, don't we? And usually sometimes I miss my past life. :) Life is great now but don't you sometimes wish too that you can go back and relieve past memories? Dx You don't ever know how much what you've got with you is worth until you lose it. And by that time, it's a little too late to turn back.
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Gyah!Why are there so many people reading my blog now! Dx You know it's kinda freaky cos when I first started this blog, I sort of meant it to be private so I could vent all my deep secret dark angers and pains but somehow one or two of my friends found it and... hehe. BUT I SHALL STILL VENT ALL MY ANGER HERE AND I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME HAH SO THERE! xD I feel accomplished. xD I just finished: 1. Sweeping the class floor throughly 2. Arranging the tables 3. Arranging the chairs 4.Wiping the board 5.Emptying the dustbin *youch my black hands are proof ok xD* 6. Sweeping the floor again 7. Emptying the dustbin again AND IT ONLY TOOK FIFTEEN MINUTES! xDDDDDDDD Which is bad cos I'm supposed to wait till twelve and I needa kill time! Which brings me here :) Tomorrow's open house! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I feel so excited! I'm a tour guide and I'm kinda scared imagine if all the parents start bombarding me at questions at one go! And I'm supposed to give really good replies to make the school sound like some haven. What if they ask me what the toilets are like? I can't lie and say that they're really clean and *ahem* nice-smelling right? But I doubt they'll ever ask such a thing so... whew. OTHER THAN THE TOILETS SCHOOL ROCKS!!!!! XD 32 more minutes to go.. Sighs.
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